Time for a good mothering

My mate Max, the giant Newfoundland, has just been over and says that he wants to take me to a special lunch at the Waveney Inn on Mothering Sunday. Quite why he thinks I need mothering I have no idea but the menu looks pretty enticing - I am quite partial to a prawn cocktail as you can imagine and I am hoping that stuffed turkey is not unlike stuffed Egyptian Goose, the thought of which always brings a fishy smile to my lips.

You just would not believe how busy it has been down at the old River Centre these last couple of weeks, it was full at half term but this weekend looks not much different and when I glanced over Sue's shoulder at the booking system March was over half full and they're not even properly open until April! So nice when it's busy, I do love to see the customers and let them sit on my tail.

Hey, I'm on Facebook now! It's quite fun chatting with some of the customers and staff (and their wives!) although for some reason they will keep saying "OMG I can't believe I'm talking to a fish". I mean, how rude. Fish have feelings too, you know.

See you all next week fish fans!

A Fish Takes A Wanda

Well it's certainly been a busy half-term week for me, fish fans. Wriggling free of my base, I flapped up to the Waveney Inn to try my fin at the 'Gary-oke' and felt that my rendition of 'Like A Sturgeon' went down pretty well; sadly I was less successful at the quiz night, as there were very few questions for those of an aquatic bent, and the pool cues defeated me completely as my fishy parts all seem to be the wrong shape. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves though and I was sorry to leave, as I had to be up early to go to the 'Boat, Caravan and Outdoor Show' in Birmingham.

This was my first time away from Waveney River Centre and my journey was quite literally 'off the map', as mine only stretches as far as Geldeston. Although I had to sleep in the back of the truck, as the hotel apparently didn't allow pikies, I managed to spend a couple of days as an apprentice salesfish on a stand selling holiday lodges and I learned quite a lot. I've often wondered about those rather smart looking wooden lodge things which seem so popular with the customers and apparently, if you buy one, those nice girls in the office can hire it out for you when you don't want to use it yourself! According to a leaflet which I've memorised (thank goodness I'm a pike and not a goldfish), you can get a return of over 5.5% and still have plenty of time to use it yourself.

Anyway after just 2 days away (did you miss me?) I'm back on my slab now keeping an eye on things. I can see Ritch tiling away in the camp wash up area (why do they call it 'camp'? It looks straight enough to me...) and I believe that one or two of the lodges are about to experience the joy of Gary's paint brush. Meanwhile the other big steel thing has been getting some serious attention with the Awlgrip fairing system - can't wait to see it when they take the tent down - and apparently the office is so flat out with holiday bookings that I'm having my own phone extension down here to take messages. Fintastic!

Have I Found My Sole Mate?

What a day! I feel like a new fish; I have a valentine card tucked under my port-side fin, and at last I know what it is to be loved...

When the moon hits your eye,
Like a big pizza pie,
That's amore.
When an eel bites your hand,
And that's not what you planned,
That's a moray.

Who is my secret admirer? If you think that you know, please post a comment here on my blog...

Who turned the heating off?

The more it snows (Tiddely-Pom)

The more it goes (Tiddely-Pom)

The more it goes (Tiddely-Pom)

On snowing.

And nobody knows (Tiddely-Pom)

How cold my toes (Tiddely-Pom)

How cold my toes (Tiddely-Pom)

Are growing.

OK pedants, I don't have toes - but 'fins' is too hard to rhyme when you are a fish of very little brain.

Isn't it pretty though? Everything's been looking a bit of a mess lately with all the rain and mud and I did detect a bit of panicking that we might not be at our best for next week's customers. But never fear! Not for nothing do they call him 'Lucky Jim'. A light blanket of snows covers a multitude of sins and all of a sudden it looks like a scene from a Christmas card. Mint.

Did you know I've got a page on Facebook now? I needed a bit of help with the computer, I've tried all the different 'accessibility' settings but I find it a bit hard to work the mouse. Apparently it's because I haven't evolved a thumb, whatever that is. But anyway the good news is this - I've already got more friends than 'Lucky' Jim and I've even had some fan mail from two of the better looking ones, who have been frankly rather flirty with me. It made my tail go all wobbly I don't mind telling you.

Anyway, I must dash as the snow's getting all over the keyboard and I can't read the letters. So long for now, fish friends.

Look at me I'm swimming!

I was just having my morning nap when I suddenly awoke with wet feet, or flippers, or whatever it is I have down there. And cold, too.

I sent Max to see Maureen in the Mariner's Stores, who said that the tide was only due to be about 1.95m today but it feels much higher to me. Apparently it's due to be over 2m on Sunday so I will be in for another soaking. Much higher and my tail will get wet, and I don't like that at all.

There's a fearful racket coming across the car park at the moment, they are really getting the hang of this sandblasting now but my gills are vibrating for hours after they stop. Fortunately they should be finished by the weekend, as I've heard that the place will be full of customers next week. First this Valentines weekend thing and then the kids are on half term or something all next week, so they will be descending on us in hoards. It'll be just like summer - maybe some of them will come and feed me, it gets so lonely here by myself in winter.

Looking across the car park, I can just see the new Waveney Stardust boat, which has been painted in Awlgrip and made to look lovely in the Waveney River Centre boatshed. And if I'm not mistaken it looks as though it's about to take it's maiden voyage. I hope Steve was right when he said it was watertight. I often see Stardust 1 as it passes, or when it moors here to take its passengers for lunch at the Waveney Inn. Apparently Stardust 2 is just awaiting funding for its final fit-out.

Stop blog! Censorship scandal!

Those friendly folks at Speakers Corner don't approve of my blog being featured on their forum. Someone (and I think I can guess who) posted a link to my site and it was swiftly removed on the basis (I believe) that it was 'commercial advertising' or some such nonsense. Whoever heard of such a thing?

Sounds Moor Than Fair, to a fish

Hovering here in mid-leap, as though frozen in space, I have watched the changing face of Broads boating with interest. In days of yore, there would be 20 - nay 30 - hire boats in the visitor basin almost every night throughout the season. In fact, when Peter Waller stood on the same spot 40 years ago selling his ice cream by the wherry-load, there were often as many as 300 boats here at any one time, moored across the river and right over the marshes to Carlton Colville.

But I digress.

Now that the Dark Lord has taken (almost) the last remaining hire boats 'up north', there are few hardy souls who dare brave the mighty Breydon and venture this far south - and it is mostly the owners of private craft who loiter here under my watchful gaze, pausing only to feign shock at the mooring charges before racing back to their familiar berth before dark.

But no more! For the evil ones have listened! No longer will I hear the familiar refrain of "9 quid it's bleedin' daylight robbery and you don't even get a tank of water, innnit". My sources tell me that there is a new Visitor Mooring Membership Scheme which you can join and this will let you moor as often as you like for nothing! It's only 75 human pounds a year which to my fish-like ears sounds like the utter bargain of the century. And to top it off my friends in the Waveney Inn are giving members 10% off their meal ticket Monday-Thursday.

I'm pretty sure I must be missing something here because it all sounds too good to be true. Maybe I have water in my ears?

Another steel thing and it's bigger than me

What on earth is that?

She showed up just before Christmas and before you could say 'safe working load' Steve had her out of the water and on the car park. All 35 tonnes and 56 feet of her. Did you know they could do that at WRC's boatyard? I didn't either.

Not that you can actually see her now, she is surrounded by what I've heard referred to as a tent but which might be more accurately described as a distribution warehouse. Mind you, I have seen tents almost as big in August.

The noise is deafening, even from the river so if Claire or Sue keep saying 'pardon' on the phone you'll know they are gritblasting. The blokes on the ship I mean, not the girls. They haven't got the grit. Ha ha ha.

I am looking forward to seeing her when she emerges, all beautiful and butterfly-like, from her steel & polythene chrysalis. I'm talking about the boat now, not the girls.

Gary, pass me a shovel.

Something Saucy at the Waveney Inn

My mate Max, a huge Newfoundland who lives at the Waveney Inn and 'visits' me from time to time, tells me that his master & mistress are doing a Special Valentine's Meal for the big day next week. It all sounds a bit fishy to me and I don't understand the menu at all. Apparently it's jolly sexy though, whatever that means.

Something beginning with M...

I spy mud. What is it with mud that they like so much? Just as the campsite looked green and beautiful they're at it again with another pile of slop.  Allegedly it's to level off a dip at the bottom of the camping field so that the water doesn't lie there. Personally, I think they just like mud. And, speaking as a pike, I cannot disagree.

Meanwhile, at the top of the hill by the touring caravan pitches, Richard has been exhibiting his mole-like tendencies again with the digger. Apparently he found a bit he hadn't dug up before and just couldn't resist sticking a drain and some water pipe in. Something to do with super pitches? You'd think they'd be happy with an electric hookup but no, it seems you have to have water, drainage and a TV connection too. TV? In a caravan??? What's wrong with going out of an evening? A walk by the river? Maybe take in a spot of fishing? Ummm...

Introducing A Fish Called Eddie

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am Eddie, a 3.5m galvanised steel pike standing guard at the entrance to Waveney River Centre on the southern Norfolk Broads. Apparently a 28lb pike caught in 1948 and on display in the Waveney Inn provided the inspiration for my creation, by Pete Rogers & Alex Hallowes, as part of a South Norfolk sculpture trail.

I've seen a lot of changes over the years, though life is certainly a lot chillier for me now that the old shop (which provided me with a much-needed wind break in the winter) was demolished and replaced with a newer version. But let's be honest, it was sinking anyway and there was a limit to the number of beer crates you could stuff under a freezer to keep it out of the flood water...

As the silent life has never suited me that well, maybe it's time for me to share my observations from the river.